Saturday, September 20, 2008

Please tell me this week from absolute HELL is over.

It has been a very very long week. Have been working my ass off on the plan of correction for a restorative citation because of a dissatisfied ex employee and not feeling very well on top of it.

Monday: Last day for plan of correction to be completely done and ready for resurvey by state. Checking and double checking everything I have been working on. I was bending down to pick up a pack of paper for the copier and felt a pop in the left side of my lower back. NOT GOOD! The herniations and problems with my back and hip have always just been on the right. This time I did make out an incident report at work that I did it there. I can't get it to chill out no matter what I do and of course not allowed any pain pills except Tylenol 3 and then only 2 a day.

Tuesday: State not here yet time to breath. Everything is done above and beyond requirements. Of course something has to go wrong. Murphy's law right? Of course mid day I got into it with an LPN at work because she out and out lied trying to get me into trouble for something she told aides to do and another (her buddy) got in my face and tried to tell me what my job was. Wrong move on the wrong day and the little mouse that I usually am turned into a lion. They were both damned lucky I didn't knock them on their collective asses.

Wednesday: Still no state. I was still fuming about the LPN's mouths and decided I was going to look in the paper for another job (on the computer at work because I refuse to pay for the rag). Didn't find any but was horrified to find the obituary of an old friends daughter. When our kids were little we were always together. Her kids called me mom and my kids called her mom. We were all inseparable. She was only 29. What could possibly happen to a healthy 29yo?

Thursday: State Still not here. Thank God cause I couldn't do anything but be weepy. Look at me cross eyed and I was in tears. Finally in the afternoon I got up the courage to ask my DON to take a vacation day for Friday so that I could go to Jen's visitation and funeral. I shouldn't have to ask for something I have earned ; but believe me it takes courage to ask her for anything she is a total bitch from hell. I told her that if state should happen to show to call me and I would be right there. State never shows on a Fridayso I should be safe to be off. She said ok probably cause you could tell I had been crying. Got home and then stayed up late looking at old picture albums and crying. Maybe not very smart but was reaching out trying to find a way to cope.

Friday: Had alarm set for 9:30. Plenty of time for me to get shower, dressed and ready. Visitation was at 11:00 and funeral at 1:00. 8:30 my phone rings. Guess what state just walked in the door. (Murphy's law again.) Threw my clothes on and literally went 80 all the way to work. Clocked in 9:00. Thank God I took a shower last night. When I got there DON said that that the woman had said she planned to be gone by noon. Went in and gave her all my tracking etc for proof of correction and gave them to her. So just a matter of time for approval and I figured I could still make it before the funeral . I hated that they were there but truthfully if she took longer maybe I could deny in my mind that there was a need to go to a funeral. 11:30 she's done and we are back in compliance. For the first time since Sue was the DON she told me I did a good job. Truthfully I about fell over. I put things away in my office and ran out the door to get home and change and go.

Man I really really don't want to go. When I got there I had myself convinced she had been in a car accident. Found friends there I hadn't seen in years. Took me a while but asked one of them what had happened. I almost fell when they told me she had committed suicide. This little girl was always the happiest sweetheart. That wouldn't even be conceivable in her personality. She had 2 little girls the youngest only a year old. Post partum depression? They said she had a fight with her husband earlier in the day that evening she tucked her girls into bed went downstairs and hung herself. I know a suicidal person is not really accountable for what they have done. It's a downward spiral that they can't get out of; but man does it hurt for those of us who are still here. My best friend committed suicide and I still blame myself. I should have known. We had a psychic connection between us like no other. I still miss him. I know how much it hurt me then and how much it hurts me now with Jen so I can't even imagine what her poor mother must be feeling. Please if you ever think that someone around you might be capable of that please get them help.

I have a couple autoimmune diseases; crohn's, Fibro and MS and none of them do well with stress. So I knew it was just a matter of time till one of them were pissed off enough to cause trouble. Part of what the MS does to me is gives me vertigo. I felt the vertigo coming yesterday and should have been more careful but hindsight is 20/20. I got up to go to the bathroom during the night last night and when I did my whole world spun and I fell. I don't remember what happened after that. When I fell I hit my forehead on the cedar chest at the end of the bed and now I have a goose egg on my forehead the size of a baseball and am probably going to have a black eye where I hit my cheekbone. I buggered up my shoulder. The vertigo is back and staying a while I'm afraid; so please tell me this week from absolute HELL is over with.

Sorry guys don't mean to whine but had to tell someone or explode.

Kittie